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Let's Talk over Coffee.... |
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Tuesday, August 19, 2008 Wohoo!!!back to posting after so long... Well many things when past me this few days... hmmm...lets start on thursday 14 august... i was told that there will be a ENDURANCE CHALLENGE on friday and miss ong told me that everything is gonna be fine... so i gave the job to her lor... but on thursday i went to the sportsleaders room to see how everything was progressing.... At that time i thought everything was ok... so i just help thing out... teach Adam to brief the student on friday cause he wasnt very confident... hahas... so on friday i was waiting for all sportsleader to come but stupid enough i only see 1/3 of my freaking amount of sportsleader... But nvm so i check with my fellow sec 2s seens they planned this event whether everything going fine... but the problem is that not everything is well prepared... so i just close one eye seens its not my show i should just observe and comment at debrief... The challenge started and i was holding my walkie talkie on my hands to hear wats going on... ... blablabla Than finally debrief came and i had a long list of comment to give... BUT i found out that the malay guys took the hockey stick and threw around the place and i have to go search for the sticks and some tags were missing along with 2 batons ... i was BLOODY angry...they even change some of the timing... and that made me PISSED!!! So i think i lost hold of my temper and i slam in the sportsleader's room and scolded the shit out of them... hais im so sorry sportsleader! but i had never rose my temper that high before... i shouted at them like some idiot and i just forget about the comment that i suppose to tell them... hais i really feel like quiting as much as anyone can... that badge is holding me in lots of stuff...i always get bullied by those malays because of some small idiotic reasons and i kept controlling my temper... well to be honest im not the innocent nicholas u all knew its because of that role i am in... some of my sportsleader can come to me and show me some ****ing attitude but WAT CAN I DO just advise them...like they listen... EVERY BLOODY ****ing day i have to ask them to wear their badge, wear a black shoes.... all the DONTS i am sick of it... My heart keeps telling me to quit but from the outside i know its my responsibility... im just so afraid of so many stuff...afraid of my seniors looking down on me, afraid to face my juniors...afraid to face my friends... the thing i hate most everytime is that if i dnt do my work well i get called DOG... and teachers just like to use my authority for not doing my work well or showing abit of mischief... well im also a human...and im myself... i hate people calling me school DOG...that always made me feel like bashing that person up... everyday i will be thinking of sportsleader...how to improve on it and so on... i just wish that i could be free but not sorry...tears can come down my eyes everytime this gets into my mind... but i feel that if i have to let the badge down, i will be a completely different person which im afraid... I've talk to Mr yap about quiting but even he knows that in the outside i didnt want to quit... well i think so much saying makes my tears roll again... Sometimes when sportsleaders come to me asking whether they could quit but all i ask was WHY! because they dont even know what is it really like being in my shoes... life is very tough in BTSS... Truthfully, my mother always ask me whether if i would like to transfer to schools in pasir ris... but my straight answer is no... i know that being a leader takes lots of sacrifices...but i think i am making so much of it but my sportsleader arent seeing any... my heart hurts alot when one either get sack or quits... its just like you are losing one arm... So far my time for sportsleader is runnning out...trying my best to make changes...but all i can see of my sportsleaders are just a finger of effort... i dont spent time with my friends and family... everyday i will be infront of the computer typing duties when its not my job... i have to chase for work to be done... trying to cope with my work... hais watever it is life have to go on... -Nickelodean- |
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